Yesterday, I was Mr ” Yes I can” in regards to my debt. But as I look at all the stuff I have to do, all the work that needs to happen. All my speakers I have to sell. (if you know me, you’ll know that this is the ultimate sacrifice. Think John, with Yoko. Peanut Butter, without Jam).
And then when I was posting my VGA cable for sale, and starting it – as I do all or most of my auctions, at a $1 – the fear and doubt kicked in. What am I doing? Can I do this? Even though I haven’t used this cable in years, I might someday.. maybe. And, I only got $2.75 for my crappy fila watch on eBay. And there, before you know it, fear and doubt crept in. Should I keep the cable? I could hide the stuff, and nobody would know. Fear and doubt. What if I only get $1 for it? What if,, What if, What if.. What if I need that again? What if…I LIKE MY STUFF?
But then I realized. It’s just stuff. Say it with me, maybe it’ll help: “It’s just stuff”. nope, didn’t help. Thanks though. 
Stuff is what got me into this mess (or more likely, just lack of planning) and stuff (and more planning) is going to get me right back out again. I’ll miss watching movies on projector in a dark room with my very own screen. But not to the tune of 28 GRAND!! I won’t miss wondering if I’m going to make it next month, next year…wondering what the future will hold. I can go see a LOT of movies for 28 large.
I also realized that anything worth it, is worth the effort. Anything that is good, and positive is hard. It doesn’t matter if you want to shed debt or weight: The first few days are the hardest, and this is where I am now. If I ran, I’d be stopping and coughing up a lung right about now.
I have to keep telling myself that this is effort and to keep my eye on the ball. Sure, I’m starting small with watches I never wore and cleaning out some boxes and flogging some cables to dip my toe into the waters. But more, better, bigger stuff is coming. And I have to remind myself to work past the fear and doubt. It is just stuff. I can get more stuff later. Or maybe better stuff. Or maybe, just maybe…less stuff. Maybe by the time I’m through this little experiment, I wont’ care about stuff at all. I’ve realized I’m not judged by my CD collection, or how many movies I have.
Hey, there’s an idea… What if I don’t miss my stuff? What if I end up cherishing just a few items that have value to me? Maybe it’s speakers, maybe it’s a new lens for my photography hobby. Maybe it’s books. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it could all go and I wouldn’t care less. (That said, I really enjoy my latte machine) Maybe my days of worshiping at the mall are over. Maybe if I stick with this long term that the days will get easier and fear and doubt will drop off. And with the fear and doubt disappearing, also the stress of being in debt will also go the route too. I sure hope so. Fear and doubt are no fun, let me tell ya.
These early days are hard. It would be SO easy to bail on this project as I’ve done so many times before on other projects. It would be so easy to just call the bankruptcy trustee, throw up my hands, hand over my credit cards and go ” I give”. Fear and doubt is easy. Bankruptcy is easy (well, in a way. I don’t recommend it. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.).
Getting past the fear and doubt is the hard part. When I’m past the halfway mark, and I’ve sold most of my stuff and I can see the light at the end of the debt tunnel then I’ll be on my way. But when you’re at day 24, and day 1000 seems so far away. Help me get there. Help me hit day 1000. I’m looking forward to celebrating with you.
Sacrifice of the Day.
Today’s sacrifice isn’t much of a sacrifice, and more just a continuation of the great eBay sell off. Today I’ve got 2 monster cable coax cables. I wish I could tell you a story about these but I can’t really. I found them somehow. They may have been included with a monster power bar I once bought, I’m not sure. Anyway, they start at a buck and we’ll see what happens.
Updates
On the cash flow front, I raised another $28 with the sale of my esquire watch and it looks like my other Swiss army watch will go for at least $40. If that’s the case, I’ve met my new average to about $35/day for two days in a row. $35/day is probably where I need to be to get the debt knocked off in time. $35/day x 365=$12,775 for the year. Multiply that by three and that’s about $36K paid off by the end of my 1000 days.
More Bad News